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'I am a deceiver and a liar' (and a butt kissing hypocrite)

Saturday, November 11 2006 @ 01:48 AM CST

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Ted Haggard's letter to New Life Church & translation

In a letter that was read to the congregation of New Life Church this morning, ousted Pastor Ted Haggard said he was guilty of sexual immorality, and he apologized for his acts and requested forgiveness.

Ted Haggard's letter to New Life Church



The following letter from Ted Haggard, former senior pastor of New Life Church, was read to the congregation this morning at the 9 a.m. and 11 a.m. services.

To my New Life Church family:

I am so sorry. I am sorry for the disappointment, the betrayal and the hurt. I am sorry for the horrible example I have set for you. I have an overwhelming, all-consuming sadness in my heart for the pain that you and I and my family have experienced over the past few days. I am so sorry for the circumstances that have caused shame and embarrassment to all of you.

(I'm sorry I was outed, I am sorry I was caught, discovered to be the hypocrite I am-- If I had not been outed. I'd have been at the pulpit fleecing your money out of your pockets as usual)

I asked that this note be read to you this morning so I could clarify my heart's condition to you.

The last four days have been so difficult for me, my family and all of you, and I have further confused the situation with some of the things I said during interviews with reporters who would catch me coming or going from my home. But I alone am responsible for the confusion caused by my inconsistent statements.

(I lost my position, my salary, my church, my wife, my family and most of all I've lost my boyfriend. Then I LIED LIED LIED about it and then I LIED some more)

The fact is I am guilty of sexual immorality, and I take responsibility for the entire problem. I am a deceiver and a liar. There is a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I've been warring against it all my adult life.

(I'm a queer, that lied to you to get money out of your pockets so I could afford that queer lifestyle. I am the shepherd that dirtied the waters for you to drink from. But let's face it.. I like the mudslide, packing the fudge, sucking the boner)

For extended periods of time, I would enjoy victory and rejoice in freedom. Then, from time to time, the dirt that I thought was gone would resurface and I would find myself thinking thoughts and experiencing desires that were contrary to everything that I believe and teach. Through the years I've sought assistance in a variety of ways, with none of them proving to be effective in me.

(More of my fake excuses... trying to get you to feel sorry for me. Oh you nambie pambie tongue talking fools - If I'd not been outed by my man toy, you'd still be pouring out your money to me -- this attempt at a heartfelt letter is in hopes that for a while you will continue to send me the bucks.. $200 an hour for Mikey is steep)

Then, because of pride, I began deceiving those I love the most, because I didn't want to hurt or disappoint them. The public person I was, wasn't a lie it was just incomplete.

(yea I am the Son of Satan, preaching the homophobe gospel with the taste of man tool on my lips. Just wait till you discover all the OTHER Closet Homophobe Gospel preachers that are homosexual. My little black book is full of them)

When I stopped communicating about my problems the darkness increased and finally dominated me. As a result, I did things that were contrary to everything I believe. The accusations that have been leveled against me are not all true, but enough of them are true that I have been appropriately and lovingly removed from ministry.

(Here y'alls are.. the Believe crapola. You fall for that BS everytime one of us fake preachers use the word. Why do you think we say BELIEVE? Because we can NOT prove a damn word of what we are saying.)

Our church overseers have required me to submit to the oversight of Dr. James Dobson, Pastor Jack Hayford and Pastor Tommy Barnett. Those men will perform a thorough analysis of my mental, spiritual, emotional and physical life. They will guide me through a program with the goal of healing and restoring my life, my marriage and my family.

(This sounds good eh? Wonder which ones will anal-eze my pecker? This is mere gobblety goop that the Republicans taught us to use when we get caught with our pants down. Worked for Foley right? Hiding from public scrutiny)

I created this entire situation. The things that I did opened the door for additional allegations that I am responsible for. I alone need to be disciplined and corrected. An example must be set.

(Simply put: I paid that man to have wonderful man on man sex with me. I need to be discipline and corrected.. Bring on the handcuffs, whips and chains my man toys! Make me your dirty-c**-sl**- -- make me su*** you)

It is important that you know how much I love and appreciate my wife, Gayle. What I did should never reflect in a negative way on her relationship with me. She has been and continues to be incredible. The problem is not with her, my children or any of you. It was created 100 percent by me.

(Oh yea, I really appreciated her and respected her.. Now she going for blood tests to test for AIDS and HIV! What a crock of crap.. and you are really stupid -- which I am counting on -- if you BELIEVE this! I prefer the man tool over the sheath any day)

I have been permanently removed from the office of senior pastor of New Life Church. Until a new senior pastor is chosen, our associate senior pastor Ross Parsley will asssume all the responsibilities of the office. On the day he accepted this new role Aimee had a new baby boy. A new life in the midst of this circumstance - I consider the confluence of events to be prophetic.

(Actually I was caught and fired -- Notice how I leave the window cracked open with the new baby thing, and can pretend to still be your FALSE profit)

Please commit to join Pastor Ross and the others in church leadership to make their service to you easy and without burden. They are fine leaders. You are blessed.

I appreciate your loving and forgiving nature, and I humbly ask you to do a few things.

No. 1) Please stay faithful to God, through service and giving.

(Keep giving.. I still have stock options and retirement... right?)

No. 2) Please forgive me. I am so embarrassed and ashamed. I caused this and I have no excuse. I am a sinner. I have fallen. I desperately need to be forgiven and healed.

(Yea all these things, but only cause I got caught You are the blind that was led by the blind)

No. 3) Please forgive my accuser. He is revealing the deception and sensuality that was in my life. Those sins and others need to be dealt with harshly, so, forgive me, and actually thank God for him. I am trusting that his action will make me, my wife and my family and, ultimately, all of you, stronger. He didn't violate you; I did.

(Don't be mad at my man tool boyfriend... He has such nice pecks.. I KNOW! No he didn't violate you.. but he's welcome to violate me anytime.)

No. 4) Please stay faithful to each other. Perform your functions well, encourage each other and rejoice in God's fathfullness. Our church body is a beautiful body, and like every family our strength is tested and proven in the midst of adversity. Because of the negative publicity I've created with my foolishness, we can now demonstrate to the world how our sick and wounded can be healed, and how even disappointed and betrayed church bodies can prosper and rejoice.

(keep the money coming... You've been duped all along.. Keep up the good work... keep being duped)

Gayle and I need to be gone for a while. We will never return to a leadership role at New Life Church. In our hearts we will always be members of this body. We love you as our family. I know this situation will put you to the test. I'm sorry I've created the test, but please rise to this challenge and demonstate the incredible grace that is available to all of us.

(I gotta leave town.. the police are investigating me now.. and before they get onto the financial records of the church.. I want to be long gone and the money in a numbered Swiss bank account)

Ted Haggard

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