HiddenMysteries: Godnostications

Happy New Year.

Now run for your lives, we're all going to get whacked! Those are about the best wishes you'll get from televangelist Pat Robertson.

If it's January, then it must be time for Brother Pat to share his annual predictions, his "Godnostications," if you will.

Each year, Brother Pat steals away to a prayer retreat, then dials up the Almighty and waits for "The Word."
Why Brother Pat gets "The Word" and nobody else does is something neither I nor the people who run most of America's schools of theology have figured out.

Anyhow, Pat's back from the mountaintop, and things aren't looking so good.

Robertson sees some sort of terrorist attack late this year that will result in "mass killing."

"I'm not necessarily saying it's going to be nuclear," he said this week on his 700 ClubTV show. "The Lord didn't say nuclear."

Whew, that's relief. I'm allergic to radioactive fallout. Besides, I'm far too old to duck and cover under a school desk anymore.

"But I do believe it will be something like that," Robertson said.

Oh, fine. Thanks for cheering me up.

Anyhow, this attack is supposed to happen sometime after September, so I guess I don't have to cancel my summer vacation plans.

On a lighter note, Robertson also said God told him the United States is only faking its friendship with Israel and that American policies are pushing Israel toward "national suicide."

Whatever that means. Or is he talking about peace with the Palestinians?

He did not define his terms, which probably is just as well in the prognostication game. Look how well Nostradamus has held up. The more vague you are, the smarter you seem to be 500 years down the road.

Brother Pat has had his share of misses. He predicted in January 2004 that President Bush would beat Democratic challenger John Kerry in a landslide.

Bush got 51% of the vote.

I suppose if you are a red-stater, that's a landslide.

Robertson also predicted a string of legislative victories for the president that would include Social Security reform.

Oops. Must be God got his wires crossed between Paradise and the retreat center.

Last May, Robertson also said God told him storms and a possible tsunami would crash into the U.S. coastline in 2006. Didn't happen.

Hey, weather forecasting is not an exact science. Maybe God needs the latest version of Windows XP in his weather center's computers. That might have helped New Orleans in 2005.

As long as we're making predictions, here's one of mine:

Otherwise intelligent people will keep believing Brother Pat, and little old ladies will keep sending him their Social Security checks every month.

And I predict he will keep smiling - all the way to the bank.

http://www.thetimesherald.com

Godnostications

Friday, January 12 2007 @ 12:56 PM CST