Evangelical Cures His Inner Homo
Wednesday, February 07 2007 @ 11:27 PM CST Views: 321
Thank You, Jesus - Rev. Ted Haggard, the guy who was publically vitrolic about the evils of the ghey, but privately a frankfurter fan, has cured his inner homo.
It turns out he wasn’t gay all the time - he was only gay when he was doing gay things! Well - there you are, right there. Stop the meth and the doggie-style sex with a drug addict male prostitute, and you’re good to go.
Now “Completely Heterosexual,” (at least until the next time,) Haggard has been pronounced cured of homo-ism and is being exiled to the corn belt to be a missionary man. We salute you, Ted Haggard - remember, it’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.
Still, you carry the stain of a buttfull of man love, so shut up about other people’s sexual proclivities.
And remember - “You can’t a-have-a de Mango!”
http://blogs.phillyburbs.com
Come see me Teddy Boy!
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Rehab excuse getting to be an addiction
Gavin Newsom, the mayor of San Francisco, had an adulterous affair with the wife of a former aide, and guess what he blamed for his transgression after it was revealed? That's right, drinking. Never mind any of that "lust in my heart" stuff famously confessed by Jimmy Carter.
Never mind pleading membership in that longstanding club of imperfect individuals who couldn't resist temptation. When you're a public figure and you're caught with your hand in the cookie jar, you never say it was the devil that made you do it.
It was the substance abuse.
What did Rep. Mark Foley do after his seamy e-mails and instant messages to underage pages came to light? The man who championed a law criminalizing the solicitation of sex online with anyone under 18 checked himself into alcohol rehab.
What did pastor Ted Haggard of the New Life Church do after his trysts with a male prostitute were revealed? The married father of five, who had condemned gay adultery, escaped into rehab -- "spiritual rehab," they said, but you know about the effects of that meth he bought.
"My problems with alcohol are not an excuse for my personal lapses in judgment," said Newsom, in classic self-spinning fashion, while promising to take care of those lapses with a little counseling. Booze can be a bad companion, but it doesn't make hypocrites out of people, people do.
http://www.suntimes.com
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