The Hypocrites Club

As Uncle Hugh used to say, "I’m not hard to get along with. All you have to do is agree with me."

By Don M. Fisher

Catcher Romney rallied in the Nuremberg of Texas last week, promising allegiance to the christer1 conspiracy.

The U.S. evangelical inquisition is our Al Qaeda.

Extreme?

I don’t think so.

And it takes an extremist to know one.

Romney caved — evidently no real stretch for him — to the advocates of religious oligarchy.

All the hairsprayed Gibbons twittering for the TEEVEE "news" cameras had the imbecilic gall to compare Romney’s capitulation to John F. Kennedy’s apology for his Catholicism.

Oh, yes, it was.

He fell to his knees at the foot of the San Jacinto monument and screamed, "Me no Papacy!"

There were some striking differences between that speech and this one.

First, Kennedy hadn’t been to confession in years.

If he had, he’d still be there.

Second, Protestants were afraid of the Catholic Church.

They thought the Papacy wanted to take over governments, oppress dissent, and wage wars of extermination against heretics.

Wherever would they have gotten an idea like that?

Third, Kennedy wanted to distance himself from the church, the pope, and the natural threat to democracy that all religious organizations pose.

Not that religion threatens us.

Churches do.

Any exclusive society dedicated to the harborage of its membership, given time, and authority, must become cabalistic.

We have a choice: deny the authority or join the horde.

Thursday’s speech was a membership application for hypocrisy.

Romney didn’t say he wouldn’t suck eggs.

He just promised to hide the shells.

Don’t Fence Me Out

Speaking of threats, Homeland Reichsmarshall Michael Chertoff has ordered Rio Grande landowners to submit to federal fence-builders or risk ending up on the wrong side of the law.

Kaptain Katrina enlisted the aid of Famed Indian Fighter John Cornyn, who sent letters out to citizens giving them a deadline for the stringing of his wetback wire or risk having the fence built around their land.

That would mean their property would be in sort of a "no man’s land" between Mexico and the Land of the Flee.

Hah! So you guys who don’t go along will have all the illegally alienated spending an extra five minutes on your property while cutting through a $700 per foot fence.

That’ll learn ‘ya.

On the other hand, they will also be fenced off from political panderers like Chertoff and Cornyn…

So, how do I get one of these fences?

Can We Keep The Dime?

Neighbor Bush announced his loan shark salvation plan by extending mortgage foreclosures on families who don’t have a prayer of paying their notes if you gave them a century.

Oh, and meanwhile, the blood money stays in the water.

In the same dog-and-pony show, Ol’ Dub advised folks who’ve been bilked by a sub-prime loan scheme to call an 800 number.

OH CRAPS! That was an 888 number.

You know how all those round number kind of look alike…

Anyway, he gave out the number of a white flight protestant parochial school in Ponder, Texas, a small town being eaten by Dallas.

The phones at the school were overwhelmed by the enormity of Reaganomics on amphetamines, and their answering machine choked on the abuse.

Okay, now what’s the number on that red phone again?

1FishWord for the modern equivalent of those who crucified Jesus Christ, a kinder crowd today, of course. Now they would use waterboarding and nail guns, then destroy the tapes in his name.

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