Save a Soul: Nip a Gay in the Bud!

By Daniel Geery

“… I have done such acts as looking (maybe lusting, I pray so hard that I wasn’t) at my self in skimpy underwear. Whenever I wear it I feel like a sexual sensation.

“Yesterday in the bathroom (in front of the mirror), I wiggled my body very rapidly, making my genitals bounce up and down. I get a little bit of that feeling mentioned above as I write this. After I did this, I immediately asked forgiveness of God, went in the shower but did it again there.”

According to that guru of purity and bastion of right-wing morality, James Dobson, the teenage “prehomosexual” who wrote the above words is “representative of many other preteens and teens around the world who have awakened to something terrifying within—something they don’t understand—something that creates enormous confusion and doubt. These kids often recognize very early in life that they are ‘different’ from other boys.”

I learned all this in Dobson’s book, Bringing Up Boys (Tyndale House Publishers, 2001), in Chapter 9, “The Origins of Homosexuality.” I’d heard much over the years about James Dobson, and the wonderful advice he gives to parents about how to raise kids. And given that as a parent and as a professional educator, I disagreed with everything I read or heard from him, I had long contemplated buying one of his books, in an attempt to see where this revered author was coming from, and maybe in the process get a handle on some of my own faulty thinking. After all, I suspect that he and I might actually agree that raising kids is the most important single thing we can do for the future of the human race.

As it turned out, this one chapter, which I flipped to for a preview, got me up to speed pretty quick. In an attempt to spare you from buying the whole book like I did (or possibly send you to it, if like millions of others you inherited the Dobson Worship Gene), I herein share some Dobsonian wisdom on the topic of homosexuality.

Not only are confused boys, such as the one above, different, but, if they are Christian, Mr. Dobson tells us, “Their sexual thoughts and feelings produce great waves of guilt accompanied by secret fears of divine retribution… There is no greater internal turmoil for a Christian boy or girl than this.”

This was a revelation to me. As someone who suffered through twelve years of Catholic school, with Dominican nuns beating me on a regular basis—mentally, if not physically—this sounded remarkably familiar. In fact, it seemed inconceivable that the internal turmoil I experienced could possibly be any greater for a “prehomosexual” than for a “preheterosexual,” such as I evidently was. I mean, if one is going to roast in the hot place for all eternity for the sin of sexual abuse, it would hardly seem to matter if the offense were done for homosexual or heterosexual motives.

However, I was pleased to learn that, according to Dobson, my miserable condition and suffering would not have been classified as a “disorder,” as such would be for prehomosexuals.

I also learned that the homosexual disorder is not typically chosen by suffering youths. And how do we know this? Notes James,“Who among us would knowingly choose a path that would result in alienation from family, rejection by friends, disdain from the heterosexual world, exposure to sexually transmitted diseases such as AIDS and tuberculosis, and even a shorter lifespan? No, homosexuality is not chosen, except in rare circumstances.” (Let us kindly overlook the fact that it is folks like Dobson who have done their best to create and perpetuate these joyful Christian conditions.)

Well, phew! I really would hate to think that such a fate was chosen, since in that case you’d obviously have to be an imbecile as well. On the other hand, this serious mental disorder called homosexuality is not genetic. Dobson offers several irrefutable proofs to ponder, such as this: “There are no respected geneticists in the world today who claim to have found a so-called ‘gay gene’ or other indicators of genetic transmission.”

One might surmise, based on similar lack of evidence, that there is no gene for heterosexuality either. From which one might logically conclude that there are no genes for sexuality. I realize this appears to fly in the face of various noted biologists, who claim that we are reproduction machines, tools of selfish genes who like nothing more than to reproduce themselves.

No matter. If absence of evidence doesn’t cut it for you, try this: “… if homosexuality were specifically inherited by a dominant gene pattern, it would tend to be eliminated from the human gene pool because those who have it tend not to reproduce.” Never mind that many debilitating inherited conditions preclude reproduction, for we are talking here about that most evil and sinful disorder, homosexuality.

I was also pleased to learn that homosexuality is not only not predetermined, but those afflicted with it actually can do something about it! How do we know this? Easy: “There are eight hundred known former gay and lesbian individuals today who have escaped from the homosexual lifestyle and found wholeness in their newfound heterosexuality.”

Forget the fact that these lucky eight hundred are some infinitesimal fraction of the gay and lesbian community, or that there may be something like eight million gays or lesbians suffering because they are afraid to reveal themselves: Indeed, James knows one of the lucky ones himself!
A friend of his, whose name I’ll spare, was once caught up in the gay community, participated in gay-pride parades, and was a cross-dresser. But this fortunate fellow “found forgiveness and healing in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.” Ok, he had a momentary setback when “he entered and was discovered in a homosexual bar,” but overall he is happily married to a former lesbian and has two beautiful children. Which clearly proves that other gays can find Jesus and straighten up! Joy to the world! (Sing it.)

But on to our larger topic, nipping ‘em in the bud. There are at least five things to look for, although just learning two should be enough to give you the idea (James cites and draws heavily on a book by Joseph Nicolosi, Ph.D., Preventing Homosexuality: A Parent’s Guide, which he hails as “the most insightful material available on the subject”):

1) Does your kid repeatedly state a desire to be, or insist that he is, the other sex? That is to say, does your son tell you he’s gay? If so, that is one good indicator that he is—or rather, wants to be, according to these fonts of wisdom on child-rearing (no pun intended).

2) Does your young boy have a preference for cross-dressing, or simulating female attire? If so, you should seek counseling. But only from one of the two recommended agencies on James’ list, or someone who shares your “Christian belief that homosexuality is sinful and can be undone.”

I realize you may have a concern that if your boy engages in these behaviors, that he was simply born that way, and that’s the way he is. My friend, whose twenty-something son is gay, tells me he was fully aware his son was gay by the time he was three. But obviously my friend had not read enough of James Dobson, or he would have grasped the most important message that this esteemed psychologist has to offer, on this emotional and factually muddied topic; for if he had, he would surely have taken a more proactive role and prevented the present diabolic outcome, rather than merely loving his son for who he is.

“The most important message I can offer to you [James quoting from Nicolosi] is that there is no such thing as a ‘gay child’ or a ‘gay teen.’ [But] left untreated, studies show these boys have a 75 percent chance of becoming homosexual, or bisexual.”

What is the best evidence for there being no gay child or gay teen? Well, I guess you need to go back and read the arguments above, because there aren’t any better arguments in this part of the chapter.

Now that we’ve gotten clear on some of the main issues, let us get down to business. We’re about to learn key principles that we ought to internalize, assuming we don’t wish to let our kids grow up to be homosexuals. So listen up here (to James quoting Joe)!

“The truth is, Dad is more important than Mom. Mothers make boys. Fathers make men.” It is critical for a boy “to disidentify with his mother and identify with his father,” because, at about a year and a half, “a little boy will not only begin to observe the difference between Mom and Dad, he must now decide, ‘Which one am I going to be?’’’

Generally, before age three, “… the boy decides that he would like to grow up like his father… The first order of business in being a man is, ‘don’t be a woman.’”

Damn. No wonder my father was always telling me not to be a sissy! I’m so glad I listened to him, even though it’s why I still won’t sing, and why I cried my eyes out when he wouldn’t let me play with a tea set. But he had to be tough; I think I was about five by then.

There are a number of other things a father can do to keep his son on course, but I’ll just toss out one more here: “He can even take his son with him into the shower, where the boy cannot help but notice that Dad has a penis, just like his, only bigger.” (My recollection is that Freud saw that as a potential problem, something having to do with envy, but who am I to judge these things?)

Now on this choice thing. Didn’t we say earlier that homosexuality is not typically chosen? Looking back, I see that we did. But now we learn that the choice is made at a very early age, presumably before it is a conscious choice, although James never sheds much light on this rather glaring contradiction. Homosexuality is not a choice near the beginning of this chapter, but it becomes it is a choice near the end, for reasons unexplained. But let us find forgiveness in our Christian hearts, and not be intellectual fascists. Two plus two need not always be four; even Einstein said something like that.

Now we are offered some deep thoughts on that grand fork in the road that confronts developing wanna-be heterosexual men. What we surely don’t want, is that which goes through the corrupted male mind at an early developmental stage—namely, that Dad is “not who I am” or “who I want to be.”

Does Mr. Dobson offer the slightest proof of this? No, but that is not the point. “A boy needs to see his father as confident, self-assured and decisive. He also needs him to be supportive, sensitive and caring.”

And what about Mom? “Mom needs to back off a bit. What I mean is, don’t smother him.”

Thus you smothering Moms need to get a grip; and you non-decisive Dads need to get more decisive, not to mention start acting more confident. Presumably any way you can. Because it is at this decisive stage of early gender identification that young boys decide if they are going to be gay or go straight. According to James and Joe.

“If [a father] wants his son to grow up straight, he has to break the mother-son connection that is proper to infancy but not in the boy’s interest after the age of three… growing up straight isn’t something that happens. It requires good parenting. It requires societal support. And it takes time. The crucial years are from one and a half to three years old, but the optimal time is before age twelve.”

But we would be remiss if we did not mention another cause of gender identity disorder, and that is sexual abuse. Did you know that “30 percent of homosexuals say they were exploited sexually as a child, many of them repeatedly?”

I suppose that if we took a survey we might also find that 30 percent of them went to the beach regularly; or had aunts who kissed them at Thanksgiving; or had more boyfriends than girlfriends; or took dance lessons; or had some other experience that many heterosexuals had. But no matter; we are concerned here with the obvious cause and effect of sexual abuse, according to James.

This informative chapter now lapses into a rant on pedophiles, and is highlighted by a quote from some crazed but creative writer for Gay Community News, named Michael Swift: “We will sodomize your sons, emblems of your feeble masculinity, of your shallow dreams and vulgar lies. We shall seduce them in your schools, in your dormitories, in your gymnasiums… Your sons will become our minions and do our bidding…” Mr. Swift’s spiel goes downhill from there, for a thousand words or so.

James mercifully ends the quote and asks, “Did these words represent one man’s private views, or are they representative of a larger community?” And he answers, “I don’t know.” So why he included this soliloquy and his own rant on pedophiles in the chapter is something of a mystery, at least to me.

But this section does lead into further fatherly advice, which hopefully you’ll find useful: “I don’t think it’s a good idea to leave your children of either sex in the care of teenage boys. Nor would I allow my teenage son to baby-sit. Why? There is so much going on sexually within adolescent boys.”

Looking back, I can certainly agree with that, though I’d also add that most of it had to do with repression, guilt, misinformation, and, at least in my case, “leaving six inches for the Holy Ghost” (that Catholic code that’s right up there with the DiVinci code, and which many of us are still trying to deciper).

But if you aren’t worried yet, you really need to expand your thinking. “How about the other cultural influences, including television and movies, that are urging boys and girls to ‘think gay’ and to experiment with role-reversal behavior?”

Exactly which tv shows and movies are not mentioned, but I realize you may well know something I don’t.

Anyway, when these shows and movies are “combined with the absence or disengagement of fathers, we can begin to understand why the incidence of homosexuality appears to be rising and why more and more children and teens are reporting that they think they are homosexual.”

There is a footnote for a study bearing out that children are indeed thinking more homosexually, presumably more than I ever did, since there is no other reference frame here, but you have to register at some oddball website to read the survey, and for some reason I didn’t feel up to it.

However, here’s the point you want to keep straight: This grand movement to make your kids think homosexually “is the greatest threat to your children.” More threatening, we are left to assume, than global warming, a bankrupt world, unemployment, collapsed ecosystems, World War III, a failed educational system, or even George Bush.

One might wonder if there is there anything more important than taking the time to protect your kids from pedophiles, who are apparently behind this movement. “I think not,” answers James, to his own question.

Last but not least, James responds to the woman who wrote to him: “My church tends to be on the liberal side of most social issues, and it teaches that since homosexuality is inherited and therefore involuntary, it should be affirmed and accepted by Christians.” Her son is 17 and announced that he is gay, and she wants James to “make sense of the situation.” Which of course he does, in faithful and true Dobsonian fashion.

He implores us to ask: So what if someone were born homosexual? And he answers: “Being genetically inclined to do immoral things does not make them right… I know of no instance in Scripture where God winked at evildoers because of their flawed inheritance or early experiences. In fact, the opposite is implied.” This is because an angel informed Ishmael’s mother that her child to be would be “a wild donkey of a man,” inclined to violence and rebellion. “Yet there is no indication that he enjoyed a special dispensation from God that excused his sinful behavior.”

Now if that doesn’t make a believer of you, I really can’t imagine what will. This towering intellect of a moralist assures us that we are accountable for what we do, no excuses, God-given genetics included.

But hark and rejoice! There is a solution! “That’s why we all need a Savior who died to eradicate our sins, regardless of their source.”

And hear ye this: You free-wheeling heterosexuals are in no better shape than gays! “Promiscuity for unmarried heterosexuals is the moral equivalent of promiscuity for homosexuals.” We know this is true because James assures us it is his “understanding of Scripture.”

So there you have it. Everything you wanted to know about homosexuality. Oh! Except for this, the advice James gave to the confused mom who wrote about her son: “Your task at this time is to stay on your knees and ask the Lord to talk to him in the terms he needs to hear.”

To which I can only add, Amen!


Authors Website: www.hyperblimp.com

Authors Bio: Geery lived off the grid for 15 years in an earth-sheltered, solar heated home, while his kids learned in school that solar energy isn't feasible. NAPTA hosts a page on Geery's foibles in education, and explains how he got his butt fired from a tenured teaching position. Here's a short clip of most recent solar contraption. His wife claims he's obsessive/ compulsive about his latest airborne project, though he argues he is merely "focused and motivated." Apparently, he's the only one in the world to respond to Osama bin Laden, call bullshit on him and George together, and expose them for the pansy ass rich kids that they are. Unfortunately, bin Laden has been too scared to write back and explain himsself; and George is still working hard to finish his goat book.

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