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Tuesday, August 11 2020 @ 08:18 PM CDT

 Forum Index > Sex-Love-Whatever Floats Your Boat > Sexual Quotes
 Misc Quotes I've saved in the past
 |  Printable Version
By: Admin (offline) on Sunday, June 26 2011 @ 08:40 PM CDT (Read 1437 times)  
Admin

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."
- Mignon McLaughlin

"A woman without having tried a vibrator is like a man never having known the thrill of a fast car."
- Anonymous

"An erection is like the Theory of Relativity - the more you think about it, the harder it gets."
- Unknown

"The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it." I'm Watching You
- Truman Capote

"Anyone who says that gratuitous sex is no substitute for gratuitous violence obviously hasn't had enough gratuitous sex."
- Geoff Spear

"An intellectual is a person who's found one thing that's more interesting than sex."
- Aldous Huxley

"We all worry about the population explosion, but we don't worry about it at the right time."
- Arthur Hoppe

If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter."
- George Carlin

"My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself."
- Emo Philips

"There's nothing better than good sex. But bad sex? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex."
- Billy Joel

"The tragedy of sexual intercourse is the perpetual virginity of the soul."
- William B. Yeats

"When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute. "
- Unknown

"My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty."
- Woody Allen

"I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce."
- J. Edgar Hoover

"An erection is like the Theory of Relativity - the more you think about it, the harder it gets."
- Author Unknown

"I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week. " I Know what you need
- Author Unknown

"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."
- George Burns

"Playboy was founded on the notion that nice girls like sex too."
- Hugh Hefner

"Sex without love is merely healthy exercise."
- Robert Heinlein

"Tell him I've been too fucking busy - or vice versa.”
- Dorothy Parker

"To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it.”
- Cary Grant

"My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one.”
- Bob Hope

"Sexuality poorly repressed unsettles some families; well repressed, it unsettles the whole world.”
- Karl Kraus

"The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it."
- Truman Capote

"My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty."
- Woody Allen

"Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's a pretty good one."
- Woody Allen

"My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects." I gots what you want
- Les Dawson

"Nothing risqué, nothing gained"
- Alexander Woollcott

"If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life at all."
- Rodney Dangerfield

"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."
- Woody Allen

"A dirty book is rarely dusty."
- Unknown

“Nobody dies from lack of sex. It's lack of love we die from.”
- Unknown

“Sex is more than an act of pleasure, its' the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it's almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it. And at this moment you're a part of them.”
- Unknown

"Instruction in sex is as important as instruction in food; yet not only are our adolescents not taught the physiology of sex, but never warned that the strongest sexual attraction may exist between persons so incompatible in tastes and capacities that they could not endure living together for a week much less a lifetime."
- George Bernard Shaw

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
- Woody Allen

"No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty
of kittens."
- Abraham Lincoln

"Sex appeal is fifty percent what you've got and fifty percent what people think you've got.”
- Sophia Loren

"Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh everyday, ah, now that's a real treat."
- Joanne Woodward

"I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's."
- Woody Allen

"I stopped getting the girl about ten years ago. Which is just as well because I'd forgotten what I wanted her for."
- John Wayne

"My wife is a sex object. Everytime I ask for sex, she objects."
- Les Dawson

"When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better."
- Mae West

"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."
- Woody Allen

"We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation."
- Lily Tomlin

"Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't!"
-George Bernard Shaw

"Playboy was founded on the notion that nice girls like sex too."
-Hugh Hefner

"To hear many religious people talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals."
-Don Schrader

"Playboy exploits sex the way Sports Illustrated exploits sports."
-Hugh Hefner

"We may eventually come to realize that chastity is no more a virtue than malnutrition."
-Alex Comfort

"The only difference between friends and lovers is about four minutes."
-Scott Roeben

"Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography. "
-Robert Byrne

"I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me."
-Unknown

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant."
-George Burns

"Sexual intercourse is kicking death in the ass while singing."
- Charles Bukowski

"Transcending your sexuality To become more spiritual is An Enlightenment illusion. When God touches your Heart, Your sexuality is awakened. Your body lights up and Your life lightens up."
- Peter Rengel

"Sex lies at the root of life, and we can never learn to reverence life until we know how to understand sex."
-Havelock Ellis

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
- Camille Paglia

"If most men and women were forced to rely upon physical charm to attract lovers, their sexual lives would be not only meager but in a youth-worshiping country like America, painfully brief. "
- Gore Vidal

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
- Billy Crystal

I'm all for bringing back the birch, but only between consenting adults."
- Gore Vidal

"Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off."
-Unknown

"It is not true that sex degrades women... if it is any good."
-Alan Partridge

"Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, you probably won't either. "
-Unknown

"I'm a terrible lover. I've actually given a woman an anti-climax."
-Scott Roeben

"It still strikes me as strange that anyone can have any moral objection to someone else's sexuality. It's like telling someone else how to clean their house."
-River Phoenix

"In the nineteenth century masturbation was a disease; in the twentieth, it is a cure."
-Unknown

"During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else."
-Richard Lewis

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
-Woody Allen

"Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing."
-Phyllis Diller

"Anyone who says that gratuitous sex is no substitute for gratuitous violence obviously hasn't had enough gratuitous sex."
-Geoff Spear

"The quality of love and the duration of a relationship are in direct proportion to the depth of the commitment by both people to making the relationship successful. Commit yourself wholeheartedly and unconditionally to the most important people in your life."
-Brian Tracy

"Ann Landers said that you are addicted to sex if you have sex more than 3 times a day, and that you should seek professional help. I have news for Ann Landers: The only way I am going to get sex 3 times a day is if I seek professional help. "
- Jay Leno


"Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus."
-Bob Rubin

"Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love."
-Woody Allen

"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
-Butch Hancock

"Today's sexual culture is like showing one commercial after another of hot cars and never teaching anyone how to drive!"
- Lisa S. Lawless, Founder Of HolisticWisdom.net

"Life without sex might be safer but it would be unbearably dull. It is the sex instinct which makes women seem beautiful, which they are once in a blue moon, and men seem wise and brave, which they never are at all. Throttle it, denaturalize it, take it away, and human existence would be reduced to the prosaic, laborious, boresome, imbecile level of life in an anthill. "
- Henry Louis Mencken

"Obscenity is whatever gives the Judge an erection."
-Author Unknown

"How lucky we are that we can reach our genitals instead of that spot on our back that itches."
- Flash Rosenberg

"When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities."
- Matt Groening

"When men attempt bold gestures, generally it's considered romantic. When women do it, it's often considered desperate or psychotic. "
- Sarah Jessica Parker, Sex In The City

"I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex."
-Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts: Saturday Night Live - NBC

"Sex is emotion in motion."
-Mae West

"I think I mentioned to Bob [Geldof] I could make love for eight hours. What I didn't say was that this included four hours of begging and then dinner and a movie."
-Sting

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back."
-Barbara DeAngelis

"Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.
-Mozart

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."
-Mother Teresa


"Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illumines it."
-Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.


"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married. "
-Drew Carey


"Just saying 'no' prevents teenage pregnancy the way 'Have a nice day' cures chronic depression."
-Faye Wattleton


"My brain is my second favorite organ."
-Woody Allen

No one has ever died from an overdose of pornography.
-J. Money and P. Tucker

The web is a dominatrix. Every where I turn, I see little buttons ordering me to Submit."
- Nytwind

Sex is dirty only if it's done right.
- Woody Allen

Love knows not it's own depth until the moment of separation.
-Unknown

It is bad enough that people are dying of AIDS, but no one should die of ignorance.
-Elizabeth Taylor

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
-Woody Allen

According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
-Robert De Niro

You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither.
-Steve Martin

"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity." Looks like first aid to me
-The Bayou, Baton Rouge, LA

Ann Landers said that you are addicted to sex if you have sex more than 3 times a day, and that you should seek professional help. I have news for Ann Landers: The only way I am going to get sex 3 times a day is if I seek professional help.
-Jay Leno

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem? -Dustin Hoffman

The highest political buzz word is not liberty, equality, fraternity or solidarity; it is service.
-Arthur Hugh Clough 1819-1861, British Poet

I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.
-Mother Teresa

We are all full of weakness and errors; let us mutually pardon each other our follies it is the first law of nature.
-Voltaire 1694-1778, French Historian, Writer

Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile. Let's whoopie
-Franklin P. Jones

Love cures people, both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.
-Dr. Karl Menninger

Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets.
- Paul Tournier


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